squirrels

I hate squirrels... everything about them. I hate trying to remember how to spell "s-q-u-i-r-r-e-l-s", and I hate having to look it up in the dictionary.

Let's get one thing straight: Squirrels are TREE RATS... they are RATS that live in TREES!

Squirrels are sneaky little thieves. They will raid your campsite, your garage, your home,.. just to steal from you.

Squirrels can be difficult -- but are not impossible -- to kill with an air rifle. Sometimes it makes me warm and happy inside to know that the squirrel died slowly and painfully by catching 17 BB's instead of the 2 or 3 that it takes to kill a smaller vermin.

Because squirrels are always watching, it's a good idea to take off your jacket and hang it on a tree branch when you've got one scurrying up a tree (tree rat). It'll (neither HE nor SHE, squirrels don't have souls) think it's being real crafty by clawing over to the opposite side of a tree, but will see your jacket and think that it's you... fatal mistake, my nemesis.

my friend matt (www.helbing.com) says that squirrels are good eating, but I wouldn't know anything about that because I kill squirrels for fun.