ride the wave till it crashes the shore

Last night my friend Rick and his brother Bill came over to drink beer and play foosball. Rick's taking off for Michigan today, so I gave him three pictures I'd had blown up from our visit to Los Angeles to see Shawn back in March. They left around 12:30.

Today it's fuckin nice out, so I'm going to go swimming at the pool in a few. It's an excellent oasis in the middle of the city... populated by office girls with fake tits, kept women and various creepy types stealing an hour away in the summer sun.

I've decided to contact Shannon at some point this week. I'm confused (as usual) about what to think or say about the whole thing. My guard is up. I'd like to communicate without fear of manipulation. I've been burned, so it's difficult to take what she says or the way she acts at face value. I don't trust her. Yet, oddly, she seems to need me. She tells me that she loves me and I believe her,.. she's just got such a fucked up version of what that is. This shouldn't make me feel this sick and she shouldn't even still be on the radar after all of this time. I'm cursed by bad karma. I've got to ride the wave till it crashes the shore.