has got me spooked

fuckin shit.

Johnny Ramone is in the hospital due to a prostate cancer-related infection. The Ramones are exiting this universe at a rapid pace.
Joey Ramone died in 2001 of lymphatic cancer and bassist Dee Dee Ramone OD'd 2002.

"Tattoo your name on my arm/I always said my girl's a good luck charm/If she can find a reason to forgive/then I can find a reason to live" -Ramones/I Believe in Miracles

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so I haven't called E back yet. I have to soon, this is rude. She deserves to hear it as opposed to wondering "what the fuck gives?" Shannon calling me the other morning has got me spooked a bit as well (I was doing good),.. I think she's thinking of last summer also. I don't know where to go with this, or whether to even call back. I don't want to be in a vulnerable spot, and I don't want to hate her. I'm better at avoidance.

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I'm thinking about taking my bike on the Amtrak train to Colorado to visit my friends eric and jacque and my sister on 23 July - 30 July. It's $200 roundtrip. Flights right now are the same, but cargo fee for the bike may be extra. The bike is key. I'm bringing it, regardless. The bitch is the train. The train is a psychological endurance test... survived only by exhaling smoke into the jet exhaust toilets on the ground level. This particular train trip is only overnight, but it's alone, which makes it worse because the train is only used by white trash, the Amish and the terminally stupid. But bike cargo is only $15 extra each way. Plus: biking in Colorado in July. yesss.

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tonight I'm going to rick and heather's moving away party. Tomorrow morning I'm picking up my dry cleaning and driving to Wisconsin to attend my cousin's wedding. She's marrying a CIA agent. I decided to cancel E a couple weeks ago when (among other annoyances) I decided that I'd rather fly solo than take her to a family party. That told me where my head was at.

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I've been listening to a bit of John Frusciante lately. He placed a ton of free mp3s on his site (www.johnfrusciante.com), and a majority of it is really interesting... mostly 4 track demos with acoustic guitar and cheap-o drum loops. Much, much better than the shit he was recording in a drug haze in the mid-90's. That shit sounded like heroin.