2006: radical change or slow moving existance?

I don't make new years resolutions because I don't like to set myself up for failure.

2006 promises to be either a year of radical change, or a year of slow moving existance. Maybe I'll gain 40 lbs this year... that's just about an extra 3 lbs a month for the next year. That should be super easy to do. I see fat people all the time. All I have to do is figure out how they packed on all that extra shit. This may be simpler than I initially thought. All I have to do is go where the fat people go and eat what the fat people eat.

Like, I know that if I eat an entire box of Oreo Double Stuff in one sitting for lunch one day, and the next day I eat $6 worth of Burger King, I am totally on my way to getting an extra 3 lbs of fat parked right on my ass.

So, getting fat this year achieves both goals: it will be a radical change AND it will turn being [tim] into a slow moving experience.

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Oh, and by the way (secretly and publicly), I believe that fat people have a choice. They don't have to be fat, they just accept it. This is how thin people stay thin: exercise and sensible eating habits.

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I excel at -- and have a talent for -- being mean.