piss and moan

I'm at the tail end of a long, fine summer. On paper it reads great. I got a great bike, I took two solo road trips, I had an excellent week roadtripping through Colorado, camping, being out at night, biking...

I'm still not doing that great. Maybe it's the age, maybe it's the understanding that things don't get better and that you have to just accept it. It's fucked, I've had an entire life of just having to accept it. I've had to swallow a lot of lumps. I don't think that it really does or really will get any better.

I'm feeling pretty fucking hollow. Situations are fucked, I'm still angry and I'm still sad. I've been reflective, I've been aggressive, I've been appropriately mean when necessary, and none of it helps. I've got this sick twisted shit of opinions, ideas and fears in my head that haven't left. I still occasionally have trouble sleeping, and I have difficulty finding inner peace.

Life is all fucked up. I don't want all of the answers to all of the issues, I want comfort and a solid base. I don't have either.

Day to day/Night to night...