the speed of this year

I'm shocked by the speed of this year. It's a week off from the 4th of July. A lot has happened in the past six months, but has approached at crawling speed... left its mark... and dashed.

Scrolling the phone list on my cell, virtually all of my friends have had something life changing happen... or are in an entirely different place now than they were six months or a year ago. It's fucking fascinating. It may be the age - 30 seems to be a dog leg in the life cycle... or at the very least, a self-imposed mental psyche out:

"where am I?"
"who am I?"
"what've I got?"
"who am I with?"
"how come I'm not the person I wanted to be at 30 when I was in high school?"

Shit, what a wank off.

I realized this weekend - while in discussion after about 11 beers at a kegger - that most of the problems that I wrestle with are based on philosophical and ethical debate. I do not mean for that to sound the least bit intellectual or self-obsessive (yet at the same time, this weblog is all about me, which kind of negates the "this is not self-obsessive" claim), rather that I don't have any real problems. I should shut the fuck up and be happy for what I've got.

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I'm excited about the coming month. At the end of the week I'm going to travel back up to Winona, MN to spend the holiday weekend with Eric. Kyaking, fishing, biking, smoking, grilling, time killing... and I'm getting a sweet bike out of the deal. The stable is filling. It's a long drive (6 hours), that I'll hate, so I'm breaking it up: 2 hours to Janesville/remaining 4 the following morning. I wonder if I'll be bothered by memories of my last trip up with Shannon. That was a good time, even if I did suffer a secret anxiety attack the first night lying on the floor. Pull a tube, held by the girl and it passed..

The following weekend Rick is supposed to be back in the city. The weekend after is the all night bike ride through Chicago. The weekend after that I'm road tripping through Colorado.

Fuck yeah.