under my thumb

OK. So I meet up with Shannon in typical Tim and Shannon fashion at a dive bar near her place at 11:30 pm -

our first date we met at Emmitts on a Thursday night before midnight. It carried through to bar time, I went to my temp job, then I came back to retrieve my car and stayed until Saturday morning. I guess it went well.

- a dump with no real name other than "Package Goods" below an Old Style sign. It was half-full of drunk old men. There were handprinted signs everywhere telling you not to do certain things like Be Quiet When You Leave (but it was a sign saying that with more like 25 words), and Don't Place Your Beer Here, and All Day Wednesday All Booze $3. This is her local tap of choice, this is the kind of thing that made me fall for her.

She bought me a High Life and we threw a game of darts. I made her laugh easily because she's tuned in to my jackassery. I played songs of liberation on the jukebox - Under My Thumb, I Am The Resurrection, and Heart of Stone. She knew what I was doing and said "Under my thumb
the squirmin' dog who's just had her day... hmmm." So I beat her ass at darts two games in a row.

She suggested a new Irish bar down Lakewood. Nice joint, but each one is the exact same place. She bought me a couple of Stellas and then we started to peel away the band aids. I started it by asking how she was doing, and after a couple minutes of chatter she brought up going to Ireland. I was purposely aloof so she started to talk about how she had seen some Irish fuck earlier in the spring, and that he'd taken her to a wedding there. She said that it came up about a month after she'd found out that her ex of 7 years (the guy prior to me) had gotten married (couple that with her mother getting remarried for the 7th time and not telling the girl or her sister) and that she had felt as if she was "on a spiral." She told me that she enjoyed being with me because I calm her, and that she didn't enjoy being around many people.

Next she told me that the Irish fuck was a "naughty boy" and I cut that shit down immediately by saying "what makes you think I have any interest in talking about this?" Communication began to break down as I questioned what she wanted from me, and then pondered the meaning of "friendship" (such an asshole, I wish that this hadn't gone down over alcohol).

She got angry and left the bar (this has happened before). I sat for a second, thinking about it, and then walked out after her. I told her that I wanted to talk to her, that we should walk down the sidewalk. She resisted and wouldn't look at me. I stood in front of her bike so that she couldn't unlock it and leave. I'm 6'3" and weigh 195 lbs. She's 5'3" and weighs 105 lbs. She began to punch my chest and tried to push me away. Miss Self-Obsessed called me "pompous." She stormed off, I figured to find a bouncer. I watched her walk inside and give me the finger. I shook my head in tired disgust and walked back in. The cute girl bartending looked at me with fear. I smiled and shook my head to reassure her that I wasn't bringing the violence.

She was on the phone with her sister Kasey (this was about 1:30 in the morning) and said "Tim's back." She got off and remained pissed. I'd had too much beer to make a clear point and she was not open to discussion (the stubborn daughter of a doctor), she said some shit I can't recall and I said "never call me again" before walking out, unlocking the bike and riding home.

I think that I infuriate her. I know that she can drive me fucking insane. It's from being close and from being stubborn. There's too much drama with us, and there shouldn't be. It's like alcohol: we can be a part for a couple months, but once back together we are combustible.

At work I wrote her a letter (I'm so emotionally immature that I seem to only be able to express myself with any clarity in the written word - after the second draft) stating what I couldn't say after six beers. She may not be as sour after she reads it, but then again maybe she will. I can never tell. I think I told her my side, my thoughts... my deal.

I gave my friend Reuben the five minute version while I was standing half-naked in a towel at the gym we belong to. He thinks she'll contact me again in the future. Maybe so/maybe not. I don't know.